I’ve wanted to post this for awhile and what better time then my birthday! This is a list of 23 things I learned at 23. I’m hoping to make this a yearly series. Comment which one resonates with you the most.

-tw: trauma, un@living, and ptsd

23 Things I Learned at 23

1. Choose to live

I’ve struggled with my mental health through out my life and I always left the idea that if things got too bad I could end my life. It’s something that has comforted me. The idea that I’m not really stuck here, I’m not really stuck in life because I can end it whenever I want. This year, with the help of my therapist (although I had to fire her and I’ll make a story time soon!) I chose to live this year and I let go of my back door plan that felt so much like a security blanket to me. Choosing to live is not the choice of enduring life for what it is, it’s all about creating a life I actually want to live.

2. I hate clubbing

This is something I should have known wayyyy sooner, but yeah, I hate clubbing. I always thought that this was something I should like. That my 20’s was supposed to be filled with endless clubbing, drinking, and dancing. The thing is I don’t really like drinking that much. I don’t like to be filled in tight spaces with people. Shockingly as an adult I don’t feel the urgency to dance in clubs as much. I think this could be because I spent my senior year of high school partying endlessly and most of college is a blur of drinking. I definitely think that college culture portrays binge drinking as a normal facet of college life. However, after experiencing it myself I think it’s more nuanced than that. I think that a lot of people in college are binge drinking because they’re running from their issues and this is such a normalized way to escape that. It’s not that I don’t want to escape anymore, it’s that escapism has come back to haunt me. All that trauma I was running from eventually caught up to me and I had to figure out how to handle it without destroying myself in the process.

3. The world is worse than I could have ever imagined

So far 2024 has opened my eyes to so many things and it all started in 2023. My perspective on everything in the world has drastically shifted in ways I could have never imagined. Living in the US is complicated and difficult. Leaving the US is complicated and difficult. I’ve been in a tug of war with myself trying to figure out how to cope with the reality of the evils of this world. The Palestinian Conflict and witnessing colonialism at this stage was a huge eye opener for me.

4. The world is better than I could have ever imagined

So this one seems like it contradicts the one before, but both can be true. There are so many things in life that I couldn’t see the beauty in. Like biting into food that you’ve been craving, running down the beach with the sand in your toes, rolling down your window and singing your heart out, and so on and so on. What is beautiful about life is not necessarily these huge moments in your life, a lot of the time it’s the mundane. It’s everything in between. It’s the parts that make us feel human that are so beautiful.

5. I don’t have to buy everything I want

This definitely amped up this year. I have DRASTICALLY cut down my consumption. One because I mean look at the economy, but also because I truly embraced what I already have. I look at my closet and I have lots of clothes & shoes I like. I look at my makeup collection and have to ask myself do I really need all of the colors of that blush. (I obviously need at least 2 lmaooo but I’m a work in progress and a beauty creator) I loved the feeling of buying new things, but after the purchase was over and I had to wait for the item to arrive, whatever feelings I was having before I bought it reappear. Buying thins

6. When looking for a new apartment it’s okay to be patient to find what you actually want

This was such a good lesson to learn and thankfully it happened in such a positive way. On the way to the first apartment we toured we kept getting people in front of us that were driving so slow. After the second car Jewelia said maybe the universe is telling us to be patient. It’s a message that we carried through our entire journey. We loved that first place and wanted to jump on it so quickly but the cost was higher than what we wanted and that patience kept us from getting it. We ended up getting our place that crosses off so many things on our list and things we didn’t even know we needed. We would have missed out on this place if we weren’t patient.

7. I’m not just messy, I have ADHD

Getting this diagnosis has been a long time coming. I first started to suspect that I had ADHD when I was in grad school. I was having so much difficulty focusing and writing my thesis. Long story short one of the UChicago therapists decided I didn’t need to get an ADHD test because I wanted drugs. It was a terrible experience and I shied away from getting a diagnosis. Finally after so much time my psychiatrist brought up ADHD because of some of the symptoms I was exhibiting. I took a test and was formally diagnosed. It was such a complex feeling finally getting the diagnosis. On one hand I was super excited to know why I was this way. On the other hand holy sh*t I have ADHD and what does that mean for my life. I spent so much time as a little kid with a messy backpack, constantly losing my things, forgetting my dance moves, and needing a lot of extensions on work. Learning that it wasn’t because I was lazy, dirty, or stupid. I was none of those things, I was just a girl who had ADHD and those markers of success aren’t the only ones. It felt so good to know that I’m not alone and there’s a reason why I have struggled so much.

8. Press on nails are actually good AF

Okay the reason I doubted press on nails was because I could never get them to actually last. It is all about the prep and I have finally figured out my perfect method that actually keeps my press ons on! Also they’re very cheap, they look really good, and they’re way easier to take off than acrylic nails.

9. I prefer mascara over lashes.

I just did not have this on my 23 bingo card but yeah I really do prefer mascara over lashes. My lashes have gotten significantly longer after I stopped wearing falsies and individual lashes. I still think they’re good options for special occasions but most of the time that I do makeup it’s okay to just do mascara.

10. Short nails are in and long nails are out.

I was such a long nail advocate. I loved having really beautiful long nails that made me feel like that girl. I feel like I’m in a different era now. I don’t want the maintenance of long nails and I definitely don’t want the pain that comes with long nails. Also I’m gay 🌈.

11. College was fun but also very traumatizing.

This one was a hard pill to swallow but a very necessary pill. College was filled with so many beautiful memories and I am so glad I went to my HBCU. I also had a ton of horrifying experiences in college that have drastically changed me as a person. I was unmedicated and chaotic which is just as fun and terrifying as it sounds. It’s okay for both of those to exist.

12. Perspective is everything.

I used to really look at things only from my own lens. How did I feel about it, How did I make that person feel, What does that person think about me? 23 has really taught me that my own feeling & perspective are not a complete picture of what has occurred. I might have viewed a situation completely differently than another person did. It’s so much better for me to allow that person the time to explain their perspective before I react based off of emotion.

13. I love making website templates and I hate making custom websites.

In 2023 I started my digital marketing studio The Blossoming Sun. I was super excited to follow in the steps of Becca Luna and become a huge web designer. Well turns out I’m truly a creative and I love to be on my own timeline. I love the freedom to just create at whatever pace my creativity allots. That’s why I love making website templates and it’s this perfect medium for me.

14. I love doing social media consulting and I hate doing social media management.

Just like the last one, yeah I’m just not into it. It’s the worst parts of influencing for me wrapped up into a service. For some people it’s an amazing job that they love. For me, I love the strategy side. I want to create the strategy with you and give you the space & freedom to implement in whatever way aligns with you the best.

15. Community is important and I need to be more social.

I have a lot of friendship trauma. I feel like I was a huge people pleaser. I would go to the ends of the earth for the people that I called my friend and it would be rarely reciprocated. I got so weird about making new friends until I met my bestie, Zashiana, who also had friendship trauma. It’s like our friendship trauma taught us how to be a good friend and we were great friends to each other. And then I was like well I have the best best friend so why do I need more friends. I have now come to realize that it’s good to have community and it’s okay to put yourself out there and make new friends, so I recently started Bumble BFF. Let me know if you want me to keep you updated on my Bumble BFF journey.

16. It’s okay to let go.

Change can be so difficult for my neurospicy self, but it’s healthy. Things are going to change in your life and that’s okay. I wouldn’t allow myself to truly initiate change in my life because I was so afraid. I’ve really learned to cut the split ends in my life and usher in new/positive energy.

17. Idk I’m just not a vision board girly but I am a mood board girly (just take a look at my Pinterest lmao)

I know everyone loves to make vision boards but I just can’t get into it. I think I’m more of a “I want what’s for me and to attract the things they will be positive in life” and not a “I know exactly what I want in life here is this specific thing I want.” There’s nothing wrong with either of these perspectives. I just find myself in camp A. I really can’t tell you what car I want because I want the car that I’m supposed to have, the car that keeps me safe, the car that I’m comfortable in and that can come in a number of different vehicles. So that’s just a small example of my mind set, but I want to emphasize that if you are a vision board girly more power to you!

18. The energy that I’m pouring into so many places would be better spent pouring into myself.

I spent so much time putting energy into poor relationships, unnecessary conflicts, and things that were ultimately not fulfilling me. Now I’m making an effort to only put energy into things that serve me.

19. It’s okay to be wrong and admit you’re just figuring it out.

It is.

20. Every major decision in my life was made for me up until this point. I was expected to go to high school, college, and grad school, but now what? That’s the journey I’m on, trying to figure that out.

21. It is better to figure out who you actually are outside of what people tell you to be.

Yes and yes and yes. I fully committed to becoming the person that everyone wanted me to be. And now I’m committed to exploring who I am? Like really be able to answer, yeah, Who am I? What are my interests? What am I passionate about? What do I dislike? I want to know who am I as a person and I’m glad I’m finally allowing myself to do so.

22. I can drive in the city even if my brain tries to convince me I can’t.

Okay so you might not know this but I have some car accident ptsd (like diagnosed). I was the driver and I hit 2 cars and totaled my car. Thank GOD no one was hurt. But it was terrifying and it made me even more anxious about driving. This year I had to drive home from Downtown Chicago and I was just so freaked out and scared and I prayed and I was like okay I’m gonna do this. And then I actually did it. I realized I could do it. I really have been trying to remember that moment!

23. Do more things you love.

Literally. Life is so short. I want to live a life that is filled with happiness, laughter, and love. Do more things that excite you, that scare you, that push you to be better, anything that you’d like. Take the time and do it.

Love,

Maya, 24 🥳